Arlo is 18 months old--what a big kid!

He continues to comprehend more and more about the world around him. When he's about to do something he knows he's not supposed to do, he'll stop, look at us, and say "uh uh." It's nice to know that he knows the rules, even if he doesn't always follow them.

As I posted earlier, he started walking a few weeks after his 17-month birthday, much to our excitement. He still prefers crawling or cruising when he wants to get somewhere, but he'll walk if we ask him to or if he wants to get a reaction out of us. I kind of figured that once he started walking, he'd be walking and running all over the place, but that hasn't happened yet. He's developing at his own pace, which is fine.

The same week that he started walking, Arlo started saying "mama," and now he says it all the time. Yay! It makes me happy :)

He has a shape sorter and has gotten really good at sorting shapes and can identify the oval shape by name (he likes words that contain the "o" sound). He can also identify the letter "O" and will point to it excitedly and say its name when we're looking at a book or a cereal box or junk mail. He also thinks that "D" and "Q" are the same as "O," but that's understandable. It's so cool seeing him learn new things!

On Thanksgiving night, Arlo came down with his first big fever (102.6F) and had trouble sleeping. We ended up taking him to urgent care the next day, feeling pretty confident that it was an ear infection, but the doctor said his ears looked fine, and by then the fever was gone, and he was just fine the next day. It's a mystery!

Shortly after he recovered from his Thanksgiving illness, we decided to cut out Arlo's morning nap for good, since it was starting to affect his afternoon nap and nighttime sleeping. He has handled the transition just fine and now happily takes a single 2-hour-long nap in the afternoon. I think I miss the morning nap more than he does. On the plus side, he now has more time to do fun activities with Patrick on weekend mornings while I'm at my prenatal yoga class.

Arlo's cup drinking skills have improved a lot in the past month, though he still gets absentminded at times and spills his drinks (and then says "uh oh" and asks for a towel to mop up the spill--what a kid!). We ended up skipping sippy cups all together, so Arlo drinks from little plastic IKEA tumblers at mealtimes. It's working out pretty well.

He's still trying to figure out how to use utensils. He can usually get food onto a fork or spoon, but it tends to fall into his lap when he's trying to maneuver it into his mouth. At this point, he usually gives up on his utensils pretty quickly and relies on his hands instead.

He has recently discovered pomegranate seeds, and is super into them right now (I wish I could eat them too, but there's mixed research about whether pomegranates are safe during pregnancy, so I'm choosing to avoid them for now). Not surprisingly, he's pretty picky about new foods (and he nervously waves away any liquids offered to him on a spoon or in a bowl, which is a little frustrating when we're having soup for dinner). Based on the advice in Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine, our approach has been to offer him whatever we're eating, and he can eat or not eat it as he desires. We have snacks in the morning and afternoon, and I try to make these more appealing to him (cheese, dried fruit, toast!, and crackers), and then meals are more adventurous. He'll usually find at least one part of the meal that he's willing to eat, and he drinks a lot of milk to make up the difference. It seems to be working fine--he's still growing.

A little over a week ago, I decided Arlo might be interested in trying out the big potty instead of his little free-standing potty, so I bought two BabyBjorn toilet trainers from Milagros. They work great, and Arlo took to them immediately. Most of the time, he now insists on using the big potty instead of his little potty. Works for me--less cleanup!

He has recently become more communicative about when he needs to use the potty (with lots of false alarms and misses, but some successes too), and I've been thinking it might be time to try switching to training pants during awake times. But I'm not sure I have the energy to deal with the extra cleanup that would entail. He's pretty good about pooping in the potty (yay!), but he still pees in his diaper most of the time, so we'll definitely have some messes to clean up when we switch. It would help if he could walk to the potty and pull down his pants himself, but he's not quite to that point yet. Hmm, I don't know.

In baby #2 news, the past week was kind of rough for us but had a happy ending. We got some worrisome genetic screening results last Friday and ended up doing an amnio on Tuesday. The good news is that the preliminary amnio results are normal (with 98-99% certainty; we'll get the 99.999% certain results in a few weeks). I wrote a couple private entries at the time that are now public, in case you want to read all about it: screening results, amniocentesis, and preliminary amnio results. In case you don't want to read all about my amnio, the short version is that I have low PAPP-A levels (which led to an elevated trisomy 18 risk in the screening), we're having another boy (!), he has a single umbilical artery, and he probably has normal chromosomes (phew!).

There are risks associated with my low PAPP-A levels and the baby's single umbilical artery (most notably low birth weight and miscarriage, ugh), but I'm trying not to worry about that right now. The doctor I talked to during the amnio didn't seem too worried about either of those things, and this pregnancy will proceed however it wants to whether I spend my time worrying or being excited, so I might as well enjoy myself (this attitude was inspired by an email from my mom, and I'm trying very hard to keep it in mind when I start thinking about things that could go wrong).

Before we took our little genetic screening detour, I had been spending some time reading about different birth preparation methods. I still don't know which (if any) I should pursue. Hypnobabies is billed as a more comprehensive program than hypnobirthing, but I would feel like a chump if I invested my time and money in another hypnosis program only to have it not work again. There's also the Bradley method, but that becomes a pretty expensive proposition when you factor in 12 evenings of babysitting. For now, I've requested a Bradley method book from the library to see if I can glean some useful information from it.

I also found a free online e-book of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth through my library system (thanks, Multnomah County Library!). I enjoyed reading it, and I'd like to revisit the second half of the book as we get closer to the baby's due date, to remind myself of Ina's pain relief and birthing tips. The birth stories in the first half of the book were a fun read too, though some of them were easier for me to relate to than others. This book made me think that maybe I don't need a birth preparation class this time around, as long as we have a doula and supportive midwives. Hmm.

Good news--we just got our preliminary amnio (FISH) results back, and they're normal. That means that with 98-99% certainty, the baby doesn't have trisomy 13, trisomy 18, or Down's Syndrome (check back in two weeks for the 99.999% certain results, which will hopefully be the same). Hooray! It's such a relief to get good news after the past week of roller coaster emotions. Time to go back to excitedly anticipating baby #2's arrival and trying to choose another boy's name.

The amniocentesis this morning went well. I spent the prior 24 hours getting more and more freaked out about the baby potentially having trisomy 18, reading stories from other parents online (not a good idea), and thinking about worst-case scenarios over and over again, no matter how hard I tried to stop. Ugh. So I was feeling pretty apprehensive going into the appointment, afraid of what they might see on the ultrasound. Luckily, they said that the anatomy looked normal (which would be unusual if the baby had trisomy 18; normally they would see some soft markers or defects), and we'll have the preliminary FISH results from the amnio either tomorrow or Thursday. The FISH results are 98% accurate, and then the official 99.999% results take about 2 weeks.

We ended up taking Arlo with us to the appointment, and he did a great job hanging out for the whole two and a half hours (we had a long wait at the beginning, but luckily there were fun toys in the waiting area). We started the appointment by talking to a genetic counselor, who was very reassuring and calming. I was impressed by how much she knew about my labor history with Arlo, plus she had a big basket of toys that kept Arlo busy while Patrick and I talked to her.

She said that the main thing that led to me having such a high risk rating for trisomy 18 was the very low level of a protein called PAPP-A in my blood (the reading was 0.15 MoM, which puts me in the first percentile). This could mean my placenta isn't doing its job well, and it can be associated with small babies and preeclampsia, so that's something to keep an eye on, assuming the amnio results come back normal. But she said that in 90% of women with my level of PAPP-A, the pregnancy goes just fine, so there's no need to freak out about it (a common theme in our conversation).

Next, we had an in-depth ultrasound, looking for any defects. It was hard to know what to feel during the ultrasound, because the tech, though very friendly and chatty, gave no indication of whether what we were seeing was normal or not. So we were in suspense until the doctor came in to talk to us at the end. I wanted to get excited about seeing the baby moving around (and finding out it's a boy!), but I didn't want to get any more emotionally attached if we'd just be hearing bad news at the end of the ultrasound. Luckily, it didn't end up like that--the doctor came in and said that everything looked normal, and then proceeded to talk about what she would be doing for the amnio (we decided to still do the amnio, even though the ultrasound looked good, since trisomy 18 is such a serious condition).

Although the baby's anatomy looked normal, the ultrasound showed two notable things: (1) My placenta is currently low and close to my cervix. Hopefully it will move in a few weeks, like it did with Arlo. This was actually a little bit of a relief, since I'd recently read about placenta percreta, where the placenta grows into the scar from a previous C-section, so I was glad that we don't have to worry about that. (2) The baby has a single umbilical artery, instead of the normal two arteries. The doctor didn't seem super concerned about this, but it can be associated with reduced fetal growth, so they want to have me come in for a few more ultrasounds over the course of the pregnancy, to make sure the baby is growing well.

Next, Arlo and Patrick left the room (to avoid any toddler needle grabbing) and the doctor did the amnio. They used the ultrasound to find an area away from the baby, and then the doctor inserted a really thin needle into my belly. After it was in, she removed the needle part and left a skinny tube in its place, so that the baby wouldn't get poked if it moved. She removed a couple tablespoons of amniotic fluid, and it wasn't totally painless, but it wasn't bad--no acute pain, more of a deep, crampy feeling. I felt a little shaky afterwards, but that may have just been from bracing myself for the needle.

I'm on orders to take it really easy for the rest of the day (no Arlo-lifting, if possible), so I'm hanging out in bed while Patrick takes care of everything (he's so great!). I haven't taken it this easy since Arlo was a tiny, tiny baby.

I was telling Patrick that I'm feeling much better after the ultrasound today, but I'm not quite ready to switch from emotionally distancing myself from the pregnancy (the mode I've been in for the past five days, since I got the call about my screening results) back to being excited again. Maybe once we get the FISH results, I'll be able to relax. I just don't want to let down my guard too soon and then get some horrible news. But I also don't want to distance myself from this pregnancy for 2 more weeks while we wait for the final amnio results. Anyway, today was a step in the right direction, and I think I'll sleep much better tonight than I did last night.

We got some worrisome screening results for baby #2 on Friday. I did the final blood draw for the sequential screen on Tuesday, and based on the results, the baby is at an elevated risk of having trisomy 18 (a 1:21 chance, instead of the standard 1:2200 for a woman my age). I hadn't read much about it before, but trisomy 18 is bad news--babies with it typically have heart or kidney defects, and most die within a week of birth. Those that survive have a lot of health and developmental problems. Not good.

I keep reminding myself that there's a 95% chance that the baby is fine, but it's hard not to think about worst-case scenarios. After some deliberation, we've decided to get an amniocentesis so we can know for sure what's going on. The amnio comes with a small risk of miscarriage (1:500 for OHSU), but we've decided that risk is worth it to have peace of mind for the rest of the pregnancy, instead of spending the next 20 weeks worrying about this. So, amnio on Tuesday, and then we wait a couple of weeks for the results. Hopefully holiday preparations will help distract me while we're waiting (it's our first Christmas in Portland!).

This has made me extra appreciative that Arlo is healthy. He is so special to us. Hopefully his baby brother or sister will turn out to be equally healthy, and I'll look back on this and feel silly for stressing out about it.

So we have some good news to share--I'm pregnant again! The baby is due May 8, a few weeks before Arlo's second birthday. Here's a scan from our 11-week ultrasound. I think it looks like the baby is wearing a toupee, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case :)

As of tomorrow, I'll be 16 weeks pregnant. I'm feeling pretty good. My experience with morning sickness this time around was a lot like it was with Arlo--no vomiting (phew), just food aversions, general feelings of yuckiness, and fatigue. Patrick has been amazing and has done so much to cover for me for the past few months while I've been laid low by morning sickness. Most of my symptoms subsided a few weeks ago, but I still get tired a lot--probably due to having a toddler to take care of this time around. Here I am at 14 weeks, looking as big as I did at 20 weeks with Arlo. I started showing around 9 weeks. I guess my uterus and abdominal muscles were all too happy to stretch out this time around.

So far our checkups have gone well, and our ultrasound at 11 weeks went smoothly. Yay! This still doesn't seem quite real, but I think it'll become more real once I start feeling the baby kicking (any day now!). I think part of it is that we weren't planning on getting pregnant again quite so soon. We definitely wanted to have another baby, but we were thinking the spacing would be closer to 3 years than 2. But we'll make it work. Plenty of families do this!

I've decided to try for a VBAC this time, mostly because I don't want to go through another long, painful C-section recovery like I did with Arlo. We're planning on having my mom come stay with us when the baby's born, so at least we won't be totally flailing if I do have another C-section and am stuck in bed for a month, but I'd really prefer to be mobile for that first month of new baby amazingness.

In the meantime, I've got some emotional baggage to work through from Arlo's birth. I tried to portray it as positively as I could when I wrote about it after he was born, but it was a really hard experience for me, and I feel some bitterness and regret about how it turned out. Obviously, I also feel immense gratitude that Arlo and I both came out of it healthy, and I feel joy that we have such an amazing little boy, but that doesn't change the fact that there are negative feelings wrapped up in my memories of Arlo's birth and first few months of life (breastfeeding problems, ugh). I wish it wasn't that way. Hopefully someday I'll be able to get past the negative stuff and just remember the good parts.

I'm doing a few things to improve my odds of having a successful VBAC. Instead of the OB/GYN I saw with Arlo (who I like as a gynecologist but was not a good match for me as an OB, in retrospect), I am seeing the midwives at OHSU. We have had a couple of visits with them, and I am really happy with my choice so far. I feel like I have as much time as I want to talk at each visit, and they are sympathetic about my past birth experience and seem genuinely interested in helping me achieve a VBAC. They have an 80% VBAC success rate, which I believe is the highest in Portland.

I've also started going to yoga classes once a week again, after a little morning-sickness-induced hiatus. I didn't exercise regularly when I was pregnant with Arlo, and it seems like being in better shape could only help with labor and delivery this time around. I just switched from a normal yoga class to a pre-natal yoga class at Zenana, and I think it will be a good fit for me. The instructor talks a lot about how the different positions can be used during labor, which I think will be really useful information to have. I definitely want to have a wider range of tools to draw on this time around, rather than just trusting that hypnobirthing will work for me like I did with Arlo (I might incorporate some of the hypnobirthing techniques this time around, but it definitely won't be the only thing I do).

The midwives have recommended a childbirth preparation class that is intended for people who may have some issues to work through regarding birth, so I'm going to try to take that in the spring.

I want to strike a balance between feeling prepared for birth and not stressing out about everything. I especially don't want to spend time worrying about how the baby is positioned this time around, since I did all sorts of things to optimally position Arlo in the weeks leading up to his birth, and he ended up sunny side up anyway. At least now I've had a C-section, and I know it won't be the end of the world if I have to have another one. Hopefully that will make me approach things a little more sanely this time around, so I won't go through 80+ hours of on-again, off-again labor and horrible ineffectual pitocin contractions before deciding it's time for a C-section.

The same thing goes for breastfeeding--hopefully it will go smoothly this time, but if it doesn't, there's no way we can expend the same amount of effort we did getting Arlo to breastfeed. We'll have a 2-year-old to take care of this time around--I won't be able to pump around the clock and go to lactation consultant appointments and support groups. We'll do the best we can, but I need to remember to be flexible and be prepared to let go of any notions I might have of how things will be. It's okay to have goals, but it's not good to cling to them so doggedly that you make yourself miserable in the process. This time around, I want to do a better job of enjoying the amazing experience of meeting our brand new baby!

Hmm, I guess that was a lot of heavy stuff to tack onto a happy pregnancy announcement post. It was good to write it all down though. And now that I don't have to keep my pregnancy a secret anymore, hopefully I'll get back to posting more regularly. Or I'll just keep sitting on the couch, knitting and watching TV shows online. That's about all I'm good for at night after Arlo goes to bed. I hope I'll get some of that magic second trimester energy soon!